Quick Update

Went to the midwife today. I've gained 7 pounds in the last week. It's all water-weight, but it cracked Bryn up. I just kept nudging the little weight and he kept saying, "no...", "no...", "you're kidding...", "really?", "no...", "How did you do that?" I had no answer for him, other than, "I just had a banana."

The midwife was not surprised. She says that I'm going to sweat it all out in the first week or so... Like I'm not sweating enough as it is.

I asked for a cervix check. I know that it doesn't predict anything. I know that I could walk around for weeks dilated to 3cm, but I wanted to know. I wanted to know if I was doing anything productive. I'm about 1cm and 25% effaced. My cervix is positioned correctly and the midwife could feel the baby's head and he's positioned well. I cramped a bit after she poked at me, but it wasn't too bad.

I've had about four contractions today. The closest together they've been is 25 minutes.

We toured the birth center again. The nice nurse who showed us around reiterated the midwife's advice: rest, drink, eat. Nap, snack, drink. Be rested, hydrated, and have calorie reserves. Not really a problem. I'm always tired. Always hungry. Always thirsty. I put on a movie that I kind of want to watch and fall asleep before the opening credits are over.

Hopefully, I'll get to spend some time in the hospital in the next few days. I'll keep you posted.

One Week Until My Due Date

When the kid actually decides to make an appearance is anybody's guess. Bryn thinks it's going to be the 21st. I've been having mild contractions in the evenings for a few nights now. Nothing major, just generally uncomfortable. They are just Braxton Hicks, but they are making me hyper aware of how prepared we are.

We have the bed set up. We have the cradle set up. We have clean, folded, organized clothes. We have 80 cloth diapers and two packages of Seventh Generation disposables. We have diaper service set-up. I have a bag packed and in the car. I packed one for the baby and that is in the car. I packed a garbage bag with towels and twine and put that in the car. Bryn packed a bag last night and that will go in the car today. I'll help Alex pack a bag today to put in the car. Bryn and I have toured the Birthing Center and plan to see it again with Alex today. They have a scheduled induction today, but a quick swing through shouldn't be too disruptive.

I just want to have it over with. I just want to be done with it. I want a baby in my arms. I want my body back. I want to be capable of sleeping through the night (I know it won't happen, but I want to be capable of being denied a good night's sleep). I am sick of not being comfortable. I am tired of needing to pee every hour. I miss sleeping on my stomach. I miss sleeping with my husband - I am too hot to want to touch him in my sleep and half the time my "boyfriend" (what Bryn calls my bodypillow) is between us. I miss hugging my husband. I miss picking up my Boo. I miss my feet.

Maybe this will be my last prenatal blog post. One can only hope.

In Homage to My Boo

I have a wonderful little girl. She is bright, funny, silly, thoughtful, helpful, and tends to be pretty. She's in love with pretty dresses and flip-flops. She has a crush on a sweet boy from her first grade class. She loves cute animals and wants a kitten. She knows our limitations and is okay with another fish. If she asks for something and is told, "No," she is okay with it. She appreciates an explanation but is accepting either way. She has never whined when not allowed something. She has never thrown a tantrum in public.

This is not to say that she hasn't whined - it's usually because she has to do something she doesn't want to do, like clean her room or go shopping. She threw a tantrum once when she was wee and I don't remember what it was about, but I stepped over her and continued doing what I was doing. She stopped and asked if she could help.

I have the most wonderful little girl in the world living under my roof and I am privileged to be her mother. I have hardly done her the service she deserves. I do not spend as much time with her as I should. I do not read to her as much as I should. I do not listen to her as much as I should. I should let her help me more. I should trust her more than I do. She still does weird little kid things and I still see her as little, but she is quickly getting big. She starts second grade in two weeks. She's going to be one of the big fish in her little school.

She is going to be the world's best big sister. I love my Boo.

Self-centered Post

I'm going to be brief for once.

I have a baby registry. I don't actually expect anything from anyone; but I figured I'd let everyone know that I had one after all the hemming and hawing I did a few months ago. The benefit is that if I don't get everything on the list I can purchase the items myself at 10% off... the downside, is that I have to buy them all at once to get the discount... Ah well.

I've also, finally, decided on how to commemorate this pregnancy: Doodles!
It's temporary, like a cast. It makes a great canvas, like a cast. Why not treat it kind of like a cast? Since I'm not keeping the cast - I'm taking pictures:

The canvas is not small.

Alex drew the first one. It's a family portrait. We are all royal and all have crowns. Alex gets a rainbow as well.

Big shiny belly from head on.

Bryn did this one last night. I love it. And check it out: MY FEET! Haven't seen them in ages.

I invited a friend over to draw on my belly this afternoon. I haven't uploaded the pictures yet, but it's very pretty. I think I'm going to start a Google album of them. I've already uploaded these four to my Facebook. 

If you live nearby and want to doodle on my belly, let me know. I'm pretty accommodating, if ticklish.

Update: here is the one my friend doodled on Sunday, my "tramp stamp":

Anxiety

The diapers arrived this morning. I have 80 small prefolds, a diaper can with liner, 2 brand new Snappis, a tiny bottle of baby powder, a little tin of diaper salve, a new cloth shopping bag, and a thing. It's a little wafer of something in a plastic package. I'm not sure what it is; I should probably email the nice lady from the diaper service about it...

Eighty diapers is a lot of diapers. I had to do some serious rearranging of stuff. But I also now have diapers so I packed the baby's hospital bag.

My hospital bag is already in the car. I'm bringing my own johnny coat. It's been washed so many times that it's super soft, unlike the new ones that hospitals stock. I've also packed my black wrap dress, old but clean panties, the super soft and comfy sleeping/nursing bra that Bryn's mom sent me, toothbrush & toothpaste, Tylenol, comb and hair ties, and the really sweet pj set my mom got me. I probably won't wear all of the set - I'd hate to get it messed up with bodily fluids, but it has a short nursing top and a jacket for keeping me warm.

We have a cosleeper, we just have to set it up. We have a cradle in the living room, we're just waiting on a mattress for it. I found the Amby and washed all the bedding and set it up in the living room. I took it apart again because it takes up a lot of room. Push comes to shove: the cradle can go into storage and the Amby can go where the cradle is now. So we do have a place for the baby to sleep if he comes this afternoon.

We have diapers, clothes, a bed, a sling, I'm making colostrum (I leaked a bit last night)... Why am I so scared?

The midwife and my therapist both say it's because I've done it before. The first time, you don't know what to expect. What does a contraction feel like? How much could it possibly hurt? How long could it possibly go on? Women have been giving birth for millenia, how hard could it be? And that's just labor and delivery stuff. That doesn't even include the baby stuff.

I think I've mentioned that Bryn is looking for work. His contract wasn't renewed, so he's on unemployment. But that didn't kick in until last week because he had to go through an adjudication period before his waiting period. My ex-husband hasn't paid child support since May. The Office of Child Support sent me paperwork about taking him to court. Again. My loan disbursement isn't due for at least another week. This all might have something to do with the anxiety, on top of the stuff I know to expect.

I will not have Pitocin this time, so that should make my contractions more bearable. The lack of pitocin should also make my labor more productive. Since I won't have the pitocin, I won't need the Stadol, which should mean that the baby won't have a slow heart rate. Hopefully, this time there won't be meconium in the waters. Hopefully, this time I won't need an episiotomy. Hopefully, this time the baby will cry and I'll be able to hold him within an hour of birth.

I'm just anxious. I was up for over an hour last night just trying to breathe and stop crying. We all know everything is okay. Bryn tries very hard to soothe me. Alex is excited. Why can't I stop panicking and enjoy this?

Less than 3 weeks to go...

Saturday, Bryn and Boo and I went swimming in the lake. The belly was just too heavy to stay upright as I left the water. I stayed sitting in the shallows for nearly an hour playing with rocks and shells. When Bryn finally convinced me to get out of the water, the baby had truly settled into my pelvis.

The waddle is pronounced. I sleep in the direct line of a fan because I sweat so much at night. I'm hungry, but I have no place for the food to go. I'm tired all the time.

My mom's best friend called her yesterday to tell my mom to tell me to put 3 or 4 towels in a kitchen garbage bag to keep in the car. When I go into labor, put the bag over the seat and the towels over the bag. "She'll never get the amniotic fluid out of the upholstery. Trust me." Aunt Elaine has three kids. She also recommended a length of twine for the cord since the drive to the hospital is so long.

There is so much to do and I just don't have the energy to do it. I just want to sleep all the time. Things still need to get put into the storage unit. Bryn wants to take things to consignment. There are so many things that just don't have a place in our tiny little place.

We still need a mattress for the cradle in the living room. I need to get rid of my bedside table so that we can put the co-sleeper next to the bed. All the sheets and blankets are clean, I just need to get the beds set up. I need to get enough room in the living room to set up the Amby and make sure it's still in good order.

And the place needs to be vacuumed. And Alex needs to clean her room. And the laundry needs to get done. First, I need to pee and take a nap.

Frightfully Biological - feel free to skip this one

I am completely fascinated by what my body is doing. This post is going to be a bit more graphic than the rest of the posts I've written before. Either skip it or brace yourself.

The day after - more pink than red. Still painful.

I'll ease my way into this... I sunburn very easily now. I used to burn occasionally, but I think I've burned my shoulders at least three times so far this summer. Today I did something terribly dumb. I was weeding in the garden and my dress (yes, I garden in dresses and skirts. They are very comfortable and when I stand up in the breeze, very refreshing) crept above my knees. I was sitting on an upturned bucket, so the belly could go between my legs when I bent over. It must have been the angle of the sun, but the tops of my knees are bright red, hot, and tender.  My calves and shins are fine.  The parts of my knees that I kneel on are fine. I never noticed how much I actually slap my knees until today. Who does that?

My neck is holding them up. You don't
want to know where they are before I tie
them up. 

I've written about my breasts before. They are getting bigger and heavier. They are so heavy that holding them up is painful - my shoulders, my neck, the places where my bras rub - all hurt at the end of the day. Then I take the bra off and they get really heavy... seriously, I can't win. Bryn will occasionally walk up behind me and cup them for me when I seem tired. He has no idea how good it feels for them to be held up independently of my body. Hence the bathing suit. 

Swimming, as previously mentioned, makes me buoyant (but if the belly floats too high it gets hard to breathe). It also makes my breasts buoyant. I suffer through the halter top so I can get in the water. 

Attached to my breasts are my nipples and areolas (I warned you). The areolas have become enormous and are turning pink. It is getting really hard to hide them in my lower cut tops, bras, and the bathing suit. Bryn is usually poking at them and tugging at my tops to tuck them into whatever they've escaped from. I don't notice anymore. God help us when I start nursing again...

Speaking of, I've started making colostrum. I didn't leak at all with Alex, but when I wake up in the morning or undress at the end of the day my nipples and areolas have a bit of slightly sticky colostrum on them and in the little creases of my nipples. Okay, that was more gross than I intended, but I think it's so neat. I'm already making the baby's first meal, and he's not even here yet. Just like me to screw up the timing of a meal though... 

Moving south... Vurps. The gas thing has been mentioned. It's still a problem, but worse is the vurp thing that's begun with more frequency. With my stomach so close to my mouth lying down is scary if I've eaten recently. Let's face it: I've usually eaten recently. My whole digestive tract is uncomfortable, actually. If it comes out the top, it's gross and makes me queasy; if it comes out the bottom, it hurt. 

Everything between my legs is tender. Swollen, pink, and always damp. Everything. I started wearing pantyliners because I was sick of having to change my panties in the middle of the afternoon.

I've been sitting on a 65cm yoga ball for the last week or so, and it's helping with my pelvic pain. I think I need a bigger ball, though, especially if I'm going to be sitting at the computer on it. I still need to sit in the recliner on a regular basis though... My feet actually got swollen last week. It was scary. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I'd been doing dishes and sitting at the computer and I went to put my flip-flops on and they were tight. I got home and put my feet up. My ankles were puffy. It was weird. Bryn didn't really notice, but I could feel it.

The peeing thing... I pee a lot. Last night I was up every 45 minutes or so. I would sleep a lot better if I weren't constantly peeing. At about 4am I contemplated just sleeping in the tub. But at least when I get up I can get back into bed and sleep on the other side. My hips get sore if I lay on one side for too long. Heck, my butt gets sore if I sit for too long - but then my back and hips hurt if I stand or walk for too long - and "too long" is really subjective. My five minute showers, while I'm busy scrubbing, are totally okay. Standing in line at the supermarket, not so much.

Speaking of standing: I can't do dishes anymore! I can't reach the bottom of the sink for the belly. I tried doing them sideways, but that put a weird strain on my shoulders and back and I needed to have a foot up on a stool. It was torturous and awkward and Bryn has taken over for me.

The kid, himself... he has taken to squirming. He wriggles and writhes under my ribs, under my books, on top of my bladder, into my stomach and lungs... Sometimes he will move suddenly and sharply and catch me off guard and I gasp and startle everyone around me. He threw me off balance once and I caught myself against a wall. Pregnant women should not walk swiftly - a good plodding waddle is fast enough. If the gyro-scoping kid acts up, you're less likely to fall. I think he's getting ready to arrive. I wish I were more ready...