I love the last post, but it can't stay the last post...

I posted this to Facebook a few days ago. I "popped" while UVM was on break. I got dressed one morning and Bryn looked at me and his eyes got huge. Apparently, the cute little maternity top I had on just accented the belly and I suddenly looked pregnant. I now cannot look like I am not pregnant. Even in my regular clothes I look pregnant now. I think this is the last time I'll get to wear my Peaches T-shirt until after the baby is born.

My appetite is back, kind of. I can still go hours without eating but mostly because I'm busy and not thinking about it. When I am hungry... the baby and the food duke it out for space and I am really uncomfortable. 

I got to go out to dinner with a professor, a guest speaker, and another classmate and the food portions were enormous. No one finished their meals - I tried, but the waitress took away my plate. The four of us split two desserts. That was disappointing. I should have asked if I could order my own dessert... I didn't realize how hungry I still was until I took a mouthful of the flourless chocolate cake ala mode. Good thing the maple creme brulee was in front of me - I don't like custards. 

The weather was amazing here for a whole week! I got to wear summer skirts and short sleeves and sit in the sunshine and run around barefoot! 

While it was so pretty I ran into a friend who is also in the English Masters program at UVM. We were walking on campus when I came off my clogs. Apparently, my ankles are loosening up again. I lost my ankles in Brattleboro walking around with Bryn when I was pregnant with Alex - we immediately went to the Shoe Tree and bought me a pair of Earth shoes. No more heels during pregnancy for me. I bought a pair of flat Tevas yesterday (except mine are mesh and cost $20 less). 

I am really busy with school and have neglected to change my name in a few places yet, but I'll get around to it at some point. I am meeting with (hopefully) my first reader for my thesis on Monday, attending a friend's thesis defense on Tuesday, and then I'm going to Fletcher Allen for my ultrasound. Somewhere in there I'm doing reading and homework and working on papers and meeting with other professors and.... 

I will let you all know how the ultrasound goes. 

Birth Dream

I awoke this morning having dreamed about the baby's birth! It was a lovely dream:

I was in my bed and I worried that I had wet myself in my sleep and then realized my water may have broken. I opened my eyes and was in a white loft apartment in a small city. It was like being upstairs in downtown Rutland again: Big windows letting in lots of light, exposed but painted pipes and duct work, cast iron radiators. I was getting out of a big white bed covered in soft fluffy pillows, sheets, and comforter. The bed was really just a high mattress on the shiny pale hardwood floor. I went to the far corner to the white tiled bathroom and as I was cleaning up I felt a bulge almost like the baby was crowning. So I washed my hands and crawled back to my bed.
There was another woman in my room, on an identical bed, in labor. She was not happy. She was so mad that I was so calm. She said all kinds of things about how long she had been there and how much pain she was in and wanting to know where everyone was... I just tuned her out. I completely ignored her once I figured out she wasn't helpful.
I crawled back to my bed. The comforter was huge and draped over the sides by several feet in every direction. I was on the comforter, with my hands on the mattress at the foot of the bed and I just thought about my breathing. I gently pushed as I exhaled and guided the baby to the floor between my knees and I smiled down at this perfect little person staring back at me. I was tired but his eyes completely captivated me.
Alex's eyes were DARK when she was born. Bryn's eyes were dark when he was born. The boy in my dream had the most arresting blue eyes I have ever seen. Mine were cobalt when I was born and until I was about 6. His were brighter and made his whites seem whiter, not nearly blue like mine did.
He was perfect. He was calm. He never looked away from me. I scooped him up and climbed into the bed all propped up by the big fluffy pillows. I tried to get him to nurse and he latched right on but managed to do it without breaking eye contact with me.
My mom came in and was upset she had missed it. Bryn came in, beaming, and I asked him if I had delivered the placenta yet. Everyone was calm. Everyone was happy. Everything was light and bright and I never took my eyes off my beautiful baby boy...

And then the alarm clock went off.
Happy Friday! (Frigg's Day - Norse goddess of mothers and child birth and skiing. Did I mention it's snowing here?)

Wow. 15 weeks and 6 days.

So, sorry about the study post. It never happened. I was sick. I had a sore throat and a cough that just made the pregnancy exhaustion that much worse. I tried to eat the food. I tried to swallow their prenatal vitamins. I couldn't do it. I woke up the day before the test and gave up. I had no voice and could not get out of bed. I emailed the nice people from the test and they will contact me to do the third test at about 30 weeks. Unfortunately, the money I was going to get for participating in the study I was going to use to set up an account with the local diaper service. So there goes that...

Bryn and I are officially married! It was an elopement of sorts. Not being married to the man I love and the father of my unborn child had finally gotten to me badly enough that we made it legal.

(Bless Aunty Kay and her lack of technological know-how; neither the date nor the time is correct)

I am, gratefully, feeling better than I had been for the past few weeks and managed to change my name at the DMV, SS Office, the bank, the Dept. of Econ. Svc., and my landlord. It totally tuckered me out and I slept like the dead for 11 hours, got Alex out the door to school, and went back to bed for another 2 hours. I've been a little sleepy all day but I did manage to get out and about. I ordered a pair of prescription sunglasses! Yay! I'm broke, but I'll be able to see in sunshine! I don't remember being so sensitive to sunlight - but it has been a long dreary winter.

I'm still SuperMom. I've managed to get my kid into bed within 1.5 hours of her bedtime all week. I found 3 of her mittens in the Lost & Found at her school. I went to her school play despite how sick I was that week. She got flowers even though she had no speaking part, wore black, and pretty much hung out in the back. They are two weeks old now and are still pretty-ish. I think it's a commentary on how cold her room is more than my green thumb... Why is her room always the coldest room in the apartment and my room the hottest?

Speaking of the kid: no one is moving out of the big apartments on the other side of the town line. That means that the baby will be nearly a year old before we have a bigger place, but Alex can stay in the awesome school in Colchester! I know that the bigger place would be really nice - it has a sunroom and the living room is nearly the size of our whole apartment - but the rent is huge and the schools suck.

Went to the midwife yesterday. Our next appointment is 20 weeks. We will get to see the baby. The muffin will be half way to being baked. SQWEEE!!!

For the last week or so I've felt little flutters in my stomach. It's sort of like a fighting fish with a really big tail swimming around in a little bag. In my stomach. Having felt it before and being sick in bed were definitely conducive to noticing such a gentle movement.

The queasies have mostly gone away. Mostly. My appetite is nothing like what it was. I have lost 15 pounds since my first appointment (pre-pregnancy) at the midwife's - and it's been pretty consistent. I was down 15 pounds at the last appointment too. The midwives want me to give them a three-day food diary for the next appointment. They are not picking on me - everyone gets to do it. I hate it and it makes me self-conscious. I don't eat. I nibble. And sometimes I don't eat for hours. For example: today I had half of a toasted turkey sandwich, a Hershey kiss, most of a pickle spear, half of an oversized oatmeal raisin cookie, two slices of pepperoni and mushroom pizza, and a cheezy bread stick. I may or may not eat again before bed. Keep in mind that I effectively slept until 11. Three days of this? I wish I were hungrier. The sandwich was awesome, but I couldn't finish it. It's in the fridge.

Anyway. It's been a boring and eventful couple of weeks. I can't wait for Bryn and Al to be able to feel the baby!