Food

I've been thinking about this post for ages now. This was going to be the first one, but ... I love Bryn. If you know nothing about Bryn, know this: he is a phenomenal chef and it is the talent that he prides himself on. He is a decent marksman, he is a great wire-wrapping jeweler, he is the world's best Papa - but his food is... I have no words. So this is going to be hard, but I think I need to be honest.

Have you ever read a Neil Gaiman book called Coraline? The title character asks her father, repeatedly, to stop making "recipes", she just wants dinner. Yeah... that's pretty much how I feel. The only two meals I have positively raved about have been the Philly cheese steaks we had a few days ago and the English muffin pizzas I asked for tonight. Seriously, I raved. They were all kinds of awesome. I wolfed down the first half of both meals and had to stop, terrified I was going to make myself ill by eating so fast. I wanted them, therefore they were awesome.

A little over a week ago I asked for spaghetti. I literally just wanted tomato sauce and spaghetti. Maybe shaky cheese. Bryn cooked bacon, Cajun venison sausage, and ground beef. This was the base for his meat sauce. He put it on top of rotini. Then he grated parmigiana fresh on top of it. I went to collect the bowls from the kitchen to bring to the table and had to BOLT out because of the smell of the cheese. It was almost too strong to sit at the table with it on Bryn and Alex's pasta. Bryn very kindly made my dish without it on top. The sauce was too rich. The mouth feel was too... textured. There was too much stuff in my mouth. And then the smell got to me. I looked so apologetically at Bryn and pushed my bowl toward the center of the table. I'd have said something, but I was still trying to swallow.
Bryn went to the kitchen and made a small bowl of rotini and put some butter on it and brought it to me. The feel of the rotini was too much. I got one mouthful. Just thinking about it is making me feel icky.

Do not judge me. I have fallen madly in love with Sour Patch Kids candies; they calm the queasies, for the most part. I love Twizzlers. I bought Fudge Rounds. It's not like this is my exclusive diet, but they are easy to grab, satisfy munchies, have yet to make me queasy, and make me happy. I don't have to cook anything, which involves smelling the kitchen smells, so that is a bonus. The smell of cooking eggs... the smell of burnt toast crumbs in the bottom of the toaster oven... that weird smell that wafts out of the fridge (it's totally clean, no ancient leftovers, just cold stale air)... the smell of an orange after struggling to peel it for more than 3 minutes - it is now too strong and completely unappealing... Twizzlers don't do that to me.

This would be when I confess that I wish I liked yogurt. I can't stand it. On my best days it makes me want to hurl. I used to make Alex's Annie's Mac and Cheese with yogurt, because it was better for her than milk and butter. I had to hold my breath the entire time I was opening, measuring, stirring... After Alex had her tiny little bowl I would be able to eat it, but I had to let it mellow. I cannot open the little cups for her, I get it on my hands and I tend to freak... Stonyfield now makes yogurt tubes! I no longer have to open little cups for her! But that also means that I have no really healthy options that are ready to eat that can live in the fridge. I like the texture. I like spoons. Pudding is just not the same nutritionally...

I want food to make me happy again. I mean, how can a Fudge Round not make you happy? But I want real food to excite me again. I want one of Bryn's fantastic recipes to make my mouth water when I smell it cooking. Veal picata sounds awesome... I don't think I could handle the smell of the frying right now. Back to bagels with cream cheese - but Bryn did buy fresh tomatoes for them!