The Due Date

Woke this morning to a call from the midwife's office asking me to meet her at the birthing center 2.5 hours earlier than my appointment was scheduled for originally.

We were rushing to get out the door when we got a call to meet her at the same time but at her office. We all breathed a sigh of relief and were still 5 minutes late.

I timed my contractions the entire way down there and they were about 7 minutes apart. We sat down to talk and she told me to stop timing them - it was making me crazy. She watched a contraction and we talked about how to breathe through them. By watching me, she knew I wasn't there yet. The system was "tuning up". I'd really like the overture to begin...

She did another internal and I'm still at 1 cm, but I'm about 50% effaced. BP was 120/60 just post contraction, so I'm feeling pretty good. My weight went down by 2 pounds from last week. 

This morning, I was queasy and (sorry, TMI) had the poops, so I was really hopeful that today was going to be the day. 

Contractions aren't regular. They aren't hard. They are down the front. I get a few that hurt down into my pelvis, but they are pretty rare. 

I kind of just want to hide in the house, curled up, watching movies, or playing Uno. I cry a lot. Jerry Nelson dying didn't help. I want Alex to have fun and go out. I want Bryn to get on with his day. But if I'm alone all I do is sleep. Or dwell.

Maybe I should get a babysitter for Alex tomorrow and take Bryn out to a movie and/or dinner. 

I'm terrified of missing the first days of classes... I have no contingency plan. This wasn't supposed to happen. The baby was supposed to be "early" or on time - he's a second birth. Bryn has a job interview. Alex has an open house for her new class. Stuff has to happen and ... stressing out is not going to help. But I can't really help it. 

I'll keep you posted.

Still Pregnant...

We have passed my original due date of August 21st. We are on the eve of the "official" due date. I have been having contractions for about four days now. We all sat around waiting on Tuesday. I really wanted to have the baby on Tuesday. I'm not sure why... Well maybe I have a few reasons.

I liked the idea of having a roaring Leo demanding to be the center of attention. I liked the idea of having a week before my classes started again to get used to having the little guy in the house. I just really wanted to have him on Tuesday. I was even ready... He had been pretty quiet, I had very little appetite, I had nothing in my digestive system to speak of; it felt right. Contractions never got closer together than 10 minutes and I could talk through all of them. 

Yesterday, Bryn convinced me to get out of the house and get my mind off of it. We walked around downtown for a little bit. Not much of an appetite. Stronger contractions, but still 14 minutes apart...

Today, I said to heck with it and told Bryn that I planned to go run a whole bunch of errands - on the bus. He vetoed the bus idea and we all went to Big Lots. I went for printer paper. We spent over $70. Good thing we brought the car. Then we took Alex to see ParaNorman. Bryn and I both figured it was our last chance for us to do something just for her for a while. We didn't tell her about it until we pulled up to the theater for fear I'd go into labor and disappoint her. It was a really good movie and she enjoyed it (even though she was scared through a lot of it). She also got a nosebleed in the middle of the movie. That was pretty upsetting too. 

I fell asleep in my chair after dinner, so Bryn sent me and Boo to bed at the same time. I tucked her in  and tried to go to sleep myself. Didn't work. I snuggled with Bryn for a bit. I cried. I whined. I'm uncomfortable. The belly is in the way of everything. My hips hurt. My pelvis hurts. My wedding ring is getting hard to take off. I'm hot. Contractions are about 10 minutes apart... 2 more minutes, consistently, and I can call the midwife. But no... and the last one was 20 minutes ago... I'm not sure I'm ever having this baby. 

Midwife appointment tomorrow afternoon. I'll keep you posted.

Quick Update

Went to the midwife today. I've gained 7 pounds in the last week. It's all water-weight, but it cracked Bryn up. I just kept nudging the little weight and he kept saying, "no...", "no...", "you're kidding...", "really?", "no...", "How did you do that?" I had no answer for him, other than, "I just had a banana."

The midwife was not surprised. She says that I'm going to sweat it all out in the first week or so... Like I'm not sweating enough as it is.

I asked for a cervix check. I know that it doesn't predict anything. I know that I could walk around for weeks dilated to 3cm, but I wanted to know. I wanted to know if I was doing anything productive. I'm about 1cm and 25% effaced. My cervix is positioned correctly and the midwife could feel the baby's head and he's positioned well. I cramped a bit after she poked at me, but it wasn't too bad.

I've had about four contractions today. The closest together they've been is 25 minutes.

We toured the birth center again. The nice nurse who showed us around reiterated the midwife's advice: rest, drink, eat. Nap, snack, drink. Be rested, hydrated, and have calorie reserves. Not really a problem. I'm always tired. Always hungry. Always thirsty. I put on a movie that I kind of want to watch and fall asleep before the opening credits are over.

Hopefully, I'll get to spend some time in the hospital in the next few days. I'll keep you posted.

One Week Until My Due Date

When the kid actually decides to make an appearance is anybody's guess. Bryn thinks it's going to be the 21st. I've been having mild contractions in the evenings for a few nights now. Nothing major, just generally uncomfortable. They are just Braxton Hicks, but they are making me hyper aware of how prepared we are.

We have the bed set up. We have the cradle set up. We have clean, folded, organized clothes. We have 80 cloth diapers and two packages of Seventh Generation disposables. We have diaper service set-up. I have a bag packed and in the car. I packed one for the baby and that is in the car. I packed a garbage bag with towels and twine and put that in the car. Bryn packed a bag last night and that will go in the car today. I'll help Alex pack a bag today to put in the car. Bryn and I have toured the Birthing Center and plan to see it again with Alex today. They have a scheduled induction today, but a quick swing through shouldn't be too disruptive.

I just want to have it over with. I just want to be done with it. I want a baby in my arms. I want my body back. I want to be capable of sleeping through the night (I know it won't happen, but I want to be capable of being denied a good night's sleep). I am sick of not being comfortable. I am tired of needing to pee every hour. I miss sleeping on my stomach. I miss sleeping with my husband - I am too hot to want to touch him in my sleep and half the time my "boyfriend" (what Bryn calls my bodypillow) is between us. I miss hugging my husband. I miss picking up my Boo. I miss my feet.

Maybe this will be my last prenatal blog post. One can only hope.

In Homage to My Boo

I have a wonderful little girl. She is bright, funny, silly, thoughtful, helpful, and tends to be pretty. She's in love with pretty dresses and flip-flops. She has a crush on a sweet boy from her first grade class. She loves cute animals and wants a kitten. She knows our limitations and is okay with another fish. If she asks for something and is told, "No," she is okay with it. She appreciates an explanation but is accepting either way. She has never whined when not allowed something. She has never thrown a tantrum in public.

This is not to say that she hasn't whined - it's usually because she has to do something she doesn't want to do, like clean her room or go shopping. She threw a tantrum once when she was wee and I don't remember what it was about, but I stepped over her and continued doing what I was doing. She stopped and asked if she could help.

I have the most wonderful little girl in the world living under my roof and I am privileged to be her mother. I have hardly done her the service she deserves. I do not spend as much time with her as I should. I do not read to her as much as I should. I do not listen to her as much as I should. I should let her help me more. I should trust her more than I do. She still does weird little kid things and I still see her as little, but she is quickly getting big. She starts second grade in two weeks. She's going to be one of the big fish in her little school.

She is going to be the world's best big sister. I love my Boo.

Self-centered Post

I'm going to be brief for once.

I have a baby registry. I don't actually expect anything from anyone; but I figured I'd let everyone know that I had one after all the hemming and hawing I did a few months ago. The benefit is that if I don't get everything on the list I can purchase the items myself at 10% off... the downside, is that I have to buy them all at once to get the discount... Ah well.

I've also, finally, decided on how to commemorate this pregnancy: Doodles!
It's temporary, like a cast. It makes a great canvas, like a cast. Why not treat it kind of like a cast? Since I'm not keeping the cast - I'm taking pictures:

The canvas is not small.

Alex drew the first one. It's a family portrait. We are all royal and all have crowns. Alex gets a rainbow as well.

Big shiny belly from head on.

Bryn did this one last night. I love it. And check it out: MY FEET! Haven't seen them in ages.

I invited a friend over to draw on my belly this afternoon. I haven't uploaded the pictures yet, but it's very pretty. I think I'm going to start a Google album of them. I've already uploaded these four to my Facebook. 

If you live nearby and want to doodle on my belly, let me know. I'm pretty accommodating, if ticklish.

Update: here is the one my friend doodled on Sunday, my "tramp stamp":

Anxiety

The diapers arrived this morning. I have 80 small prefolds, a diaper can with liner, 2 brand new Snappis, a tiny bottle of baby powder, a little tin of diaper salve, a new cloth shopping bag, and a thing. It's a little wafer of something in a plastic package. I'm not sure what it is; I should probably email the nice lady from the diaper service about it...

Eighty diapers is a lot of diapers. I had to do some serious rearranging of stuff. But I also now have diapers so I packed the baby's hospital bag.

My hospital bag is already in the car. I'm bringing my own johnny coat. It's been washed so many times that it's super soft, unlike the new ones that hospitals stock. I've also packed my black wrap dress, old but clean panties, the super soft and comfy sleeping/nursing bra that Bryn's mom sent me, toothbrush & toothpaste, Tylenol, comb and hair ties, and the really sweet pj set my mom got me. I probably won't wear all of the set - I'd hate to get it messed up with bodily fluids, but it has a short nursing top and a jacket for keeping me warm.

We have a cosleeper, we just have to set it up. We have a cradle in the living room, we're just waiting on a mattress for it. I found the Amby and washed all the bedding and set it up in the living room. I took it apart again because it takes up a lot of room. Push comes to shove: the cradle can go into storage and the Amby can go where the cradle is now. So we do have a place for the baby to sleep if he comes this afternoon.

We have diapers, clothes, a bed, a sling, I'm making colostrum (I leaked a bit last night)... Why am I so scared?

The midwife and my therapist both say it's because I've done it before. The first time, you don't know what to expect. What does a contraction feel like? How much could it possibly hurt? How long could it possibly go on? Women have been giving birth for millenia, how hard could it be? And that's just labor and delivery stuff. That doesn't even include the baby stuff.

I think I've mentioned that Bryn is looking for work. His contract wasn't renewed, so he's on unemployment. But that didn't kick in until last week because he had to go through an adjudication period before his waiting period. My ex-husband hasn't paid child support since May. The Office of Child Support sent me paperwork about taking him to court. Again. My loan disbursement isn't due for at least another week. This all might have something to do with the anxiety, on top of the stuff I know to expect.

I will not have Pitocin this time, so that should make my contractions more bearable. The lack of pitocin should also make my labor more productive. Since I won't have the pitocin, I won't need the Stadol, which should mean that the baby won't have a slow heart rate. Hopefully, this time there won't be meconium in the waters. Hopefully, this time I won't need an episiotomy. Hopefully, this time the baby will cry and I'll be able to hold him within an hour of birth.

I'm just anxious. I was up for over an hour last night just trying to breathe and stop crying. We all know everything is okay. Bryn tries very hard to soothe me. Alex is excited. Why can't I stop panicking and enjoy this?